


You Did Well

by funkylilwriter



Category: Original Work, SHINee
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Other, Poetry, Prose Poem, Song Inspired, Writing as a coping mechanism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 10:42:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17058287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funkylilwriter/pseuds/funkylilwriter
Summary: Finally summed up all the works I've written to/about Jjong.This work contains:One vent fic and two prose poems written for/dedicated to Jonghyun.





	1. Foreword

I think it's redundant to say but a trigger warning is in order. Not because of the contents of this work, more so because of the topic itself. I wrote these either at my lowest moments or when I was at peace and coming to terms with certain things, so go figure, these can be upsetting. Again, there are no particularly triggering topics and certainly nothing explicit or dark, it's just the thoughts I shaped into a story and a poem while I was grieving.

But still, read at your own risk.

That being said I do hope some of you like these or are able to find peace through them, or, well, one of these works at least.

P.S. Excuse my Japanese.


	2. Talking to the Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Talking to the Moon by Kream

It's one of those nights when no matter how you turn, you can't get comfortable. The sheets bunch up under you and you know that you'll wake with odd marks on your skin; provided that you sleep at all. Your pillow is too warm on one side and too wrinkly on the other. You've been lying so long that it's completely flat by now and you have to shake it into fluffiness. You don't know if you're hot or cold, but you're sweating nonetheless. The blankets comes on and off and on and off until you're tangled like a fish in a net.

The room is completely dark. Jinki can make out the silhouette next to him, Minho, sound asleep. The entire dorm is completely dark and gravely quiet but it didn't always use to be like that. At night when Jinki couldn't sleep, faint light often used to be visible under the door. He always used to work until late. Jinki would tell him, "go sleep." He'd smile and say, "soon" but he never did. He used to stay up until dawn.

Jinki glances out the window and is met only with darkness. And suddenly he sits up, doubling over with a sharp pain in his gut. Warmth spreads up his lungs and clutches at his heart like a fiery fist and he can't breathe. His throat tightens with tears that aren't coming and he can't breathe.

_I can't see him._

The realisation comes as a shock, sending shivers down his spine and making his skin tingly all the way to his fingertips.

_I can't see him._

He clasps his hand over his mouth to hold a sob in.

He's thought about waking one of the others up, to tell them he can't sleep. When he decided against it, he hoped for them to wake up on their own.

They didn't and he's alone.

He scrambles out of his bed, carefully opens and closes the door not to wake Minho up.

Jinki stands in the middle of the living room, cold and gray. Empty.

He's not at his desk, working on some new song with his eyes closed, hands weaving though the air as he visualizes a melody.

He's not there.

The living room is empty and quiet aside from Jinki's shaky breaths.

He goes to the front door and slips on a pair of sneakers. He makes his way out of the apartment, tiptoes up the stairs all the way to the rooftop. He takes a deep breath and pushes the bar, opening the door with some difficulty. Jinki half expected to see him standing there, leaning over the edge.

"You'll fall," Jinki used to say.

"I won't. I'm thinking," he used to reply.

Jinki steps out onto the concrete and looks up. The breath from his lungs is swept away, dread seeps into his veins and spreads like a disease. He's numb all over, the fiery fist clutching tighter on his heart. The wind dries his tears before they fall.

Because it looks like the heavens are about to crumble. Dark, looming clouds completely drowned out his light.

_I can't see him._

Up here, no one can hear him. Jinki lets the sobs rip through his lungs and take his breath away, he lets the wind dry his tears. He falls to his knees and helplessly looks at the sky.

_Where are you?_

_I need you._

_You always watch over me, I need you now._

Some nights he sits up in the sky, his smile illuminating the night. Those nights Jinki sits by the open window and talks to him, about everything they've achieved, about how the others are doing.

"We're eating well. We've started going to bed early, we're getting enough sleep."

Sometimes Jinki tells him his worries.

"I'm not like you. No one's like you. I don't want to be your replacement."

Most of the time he just smiles down at Jinki and listens. Other nights he hides behind the puffy clouds and pops out again, just to tease Jinki.

_You've always been unpredictable._

Nights like this, he's gone. The heavy, dark sky reminds Jinki of his absence. It's as if he never existed at all.

Nights like this, Jinki feels like a child, helplessly crying into the night.

_Come back._

_It's not your time._

_Come back._

For as many times as he's done this, Jinki never remembers the way back. He remembers coming to the rooftop, but never coming back. Every time he wakes up in his bed to the sound of his alarm. He wakes up with dried tears on his cheeks and a tear stained pillowcase.


	3. Starry Night

前夜月は明るかった

そして君のことを思い出した

そして悲しかった

そして泣きたかった

そして思い出した

今もっと嬉しい

今もう苦しんでいない

そして幸せに思いだ

君は放すことができるから嬉しい

[eng:]

The Moon was very bright last night

And I remembered you

And I was sad

And I wanted to cry

And then I remembered

You're happier now

You're not suffering anymore

And I remembered to be happy

I'm happy that you could break free

 

•••

 

I know you don't need my forgiveness

But I understand

And I forgive you

Even though you don't need it

Maybe we'll both find peace this way


	4. Cloudy Night

「月と話している」

近頃空は暗かった

君はどこか？

私の夜を照らして

会いたい

もう一度君と話したい

話しに帰って

全てについてを語りたい

君は聞いてくれるを知っているから

私のことを聞いてくれるただ一人の人

[eng:]

Lately, the sky had been dark

Where are you?

Please brighten up my night

I miss you

I want to talk to you again

Come back so we can talk

I want to tell you about everything

Because I know you'll listen

You're the only one who listens


End file.
